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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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 BJPUMPIN JOKES. MAKE US ALL LAUGH IF ITS REALLY FUNNY |
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WELCOME TO MY JOKES SECTION.......U HEARD ANY FUNNY JOKES LATELY?? COMMON MAKE US ALL LAUGH...TELL US BOUT IT
Last edited by bjpumpindogg on Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:51 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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| Sun Dec 09, 2007 8:41 pm |
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Free Forum
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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1.PREGNANT AT 18-
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for
two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys
a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari
stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man
with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps
out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room
with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them: "Good morning,
your daughter has informed me of the problem.
However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but
I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life.
Additionally, If a girl is born I will build for her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beach front villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2,000,000
bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly
on
the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her
again!"
2.WHO IS GUILTY?
A wife was dreaming in the middle of the night and
suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man
gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and
then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
3.CHEATING HUSBAND
The Pharmacist Lady walked into a drug store and told
the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist
asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The
lady then explained she needed it to poison her
husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said,
"Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill
your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my
license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all
kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You
can NOT have any cyanide!" Then the lady reached into
her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
having dinner in a restaurant with the pharmacist's
wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and
replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a
prescription"
4.MESSING IN SERVICE
there is this Yoruba guy who has always been messing silent mess every Sunday in church, every time he messes nobody notices him and he always gets away with it. so one faithful Sunday, the guy just mess one hot mess, the whole congregation just scattered .suddenly the Jesus statue standing beside holy mary’s statue suddenly stood up and went straight to the guy. the jesus statue just tear the guy one hot slap GBOOSA!, and said in Yoruba…iwo were tidie ti buyi…iwo loman so pawa ni efiri Sunday..suddenly again mary’s statue just ran to the guy and tore him another hot slap.. tuooosa!, and said oloshi oloriburuku..so na u dey carry mess kill me and my son for here for every Sunday. We catch u today , e don tey we u dey do am…oni she rue mon..
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| Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:43 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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| ANODA FUNNY JOKE FOR YALL FROM THE ADMIN |
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Man lived alone in the countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and the Man went to his pastor and said, "Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?" The Pastor replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, and there's no telling what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the animal; you can go and find out". Then the Man answered innocently, "I'll go right away Pastor. But do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the burial service?" The Pastor exclaimed, "Sweet Jesus! Why didn't you tell me the dog was a Christian……….we definitely have services for all Christians!
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| Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:01 am |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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A woman wanted to reach her husband but discovered that she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Junior has called, he got back to Mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile. She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she slapped him again for good measure. People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked Junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called. Junior said: ''The subscriber you have dialed is not available at d moment.PLS TRY AGAIN LATER
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| Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:29 am |
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elektra
Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 2
Location: MALYSIA |
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4.MESSING IN SERVICE
there is this Yoruba guy who has always been messing silent mess every Sunday in church, every time he messes nobody notices him and he always gets away with it. so one faithful Sunday, the guy just mess one hot mess, the whole congregation just scattered .suddenly the Jesus statue standing beside holy mary’s statue suddenly stood up and went straight to the guy. the jesus statue just tear the guy one hot slap GBOOSA!, and said in Yoruba…iwo were tidie ti buyi…iwo loman so pawa ni efiri Sunday..suddenly again mary’s statue just ran to the guy and tore him another hot slap.. tuooosa!, and said oloshi oloriburuku..so na u dey carry mess kill me and my son for here for every Sunday. We catch u today , e don tey we u dey do am…oni she rue mon
i guess the joke is nice but i dont get a thing
do u mind translating the yoruba part to english so all can undersrtand?
tnk u
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| Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:25 pm |
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blesyne
Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
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4.MESSING IN SERVICE
there is this Yoruba guy who has always been messing silent mess every Sunday in church, every time he messes nobody notices him and he always gets away with it. so one faithful Sunday, the guy just mess one hot mess, the whole congregation just scattered .suddenly the Jesus statue standing beside holy mary’s statue suddenly stood up and went straight to the guy. the jesus statue just tear the guy one hot slap GBOOSA!, and said in Yoruba…iwo were tidie ti buyi…iwo loman so pawa ni efiri Sunday..suddenly again mary’s statue just ran to the guy and tore him another hot slap.. tuooosa!, and said oloshi oloriburuku..so na u dey carry mess kill me and my son for here for every Sunday. We catch u today , e don tey we u dey do am…oni she rue mon
lmfao this joke is really funny.bolaji more grease to ur elbows,we need more of this. 
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| Sat Feb 16, 2008 5:53 pm |
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whateva
Joined: 29 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
Location: NAIJA |
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| Bolajipumping baba! |
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Bolajipumping baba! Yahoozey lómó. Your forum rocks man! Nothing do you!
_________________
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......................... |
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| Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:19 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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The youngest son in a family asked his father, Daddy, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'reality" Dad: I will show you. He turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for two million dollars?" Wife: Yes. I would never waste such an Opportunity to become a millionaire. Then dad turned to his daughter: Would you sleep with Will Smith for 1 million dollars? Daughter: Yes. That is my fantasy. Dad turned to his older son: Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 million dollars? Son: Yes. Imagine what I would do with 1 million. Dad to his youngest son: You see "potentially' we are sitting on 4 million. But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay
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| Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:14 am |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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A Nursery 1 student in a danfo bus from school was reciting the days lesson at school, it went thus: if my father is a cock and my mother a hen, i will be a chick if my father is a lion and my mother a lioness, i will be a cob if my father is a king and my mother a queen, i will be a prince etc, etc. The bus driver was irritated by the boys 'noise', he shouted at the boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued. Then the driver shouted; What of if your father is an 'armed robber' and your mother an 'ashawo' (prostitute) , what will you be? The boy replied; I will be a 'Danfo Driver'
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| Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:58 am |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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juicy job advert
Please, for the laughs only…
VACANCY! VACANCY!! VACANCY!!!
A foremost Political Party in Nigeria, popularly
referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for
immediate appointment into the House of
Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the
following professional qualifications:
· First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.
· A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up
techniques.
· MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast
experience in corrupt practices.
· Must be ready to shun the voices of the
People in allegiance to the Party’s wishes.
· Possession of a falsified educational degree
will be an added advantage.
Duly qualified candidates should please forward their
detailed CV’s to the Party Secretariat.
NB:
Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts
will be given preference.
The selection process will definitely be biased and
open to changes without notice, as this is part of the
party policy.
Short listed candidates will be given a course in
‘Political Jargons and misbehaviour’ to familiarize them with the
language of the boxers
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| Sun Apr 06, 2008 6:26 am |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'
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| Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:49 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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An Igbo man travell to Isreal. when he got to d sea of galilee he was to crossover with a boat. and he asked the captain hw much to crossover. He replied $500 and the Igbo man shouted CHINEKE!! No wonder Jesus walked in the sea.
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| Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:14 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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| Tue Apr 15, 2008 3:44 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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My husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that would match the color of his eyes. Does anyone know where I can buy a bloodshot tie
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| Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:13 pm |
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bjpumpindogg
Site Admin
Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 83
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A guy gets lost in the desert.he sees a mosque on the horison.Tired and weak,he crawls up to the mosque and collapses.Abdul finds him and nurses him back to health.Feeling better,the man asks Abdul for directions to the nearest town and leaving the mosque,he asks Abdul,"Could I borrow your camel? "Abdul says,"Sure but there is a special thing about this camelYou have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."the man says,"Sure,"So he gets on the camel and says,"Thank God" and the camel starts moving.Then he says,"thank God,thank God,thank God"and the camel takes off.soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the camel stop."Finally he remembers,"Amen!!The camel stops just inches from the cliff.The man leans back and says,"ahhh..thank God o
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| Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:18 pm |
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